100 Days of Horror Day Thirty-Two - "Dawn of the Dead!"

Shocked, yes -- shocked I am! -- that this horrible thing seems to continue in all defiance of nature. It lives on, crawling up the legs of my day like a homesick abortion. I try to get away from it and it still seems to find me, its ever-seeking, its teeth bared and savage at my throat!

Christ, that was morbid! I need a drink! Or a hummer!

Anyway, yes it is indeed day Thirty One of the 100 Days of Horror challenge, and sadly last night was my first misstep. It seems that, in my endeavor to have a brief vacation at the beach on the heels of a horrible chest/head cold, I have exhausted myself beyond comprehension. So last night, which is traditionally a busy night for me (the day before a deadline and all), I came home from a meeting and slept my arse off. I slept from 10 p.m. until 6 a.m., which I know sounds like a lot for you normal folks but for me is unheard of - even when medicated. Which I was not. Also sadly.

All this means that I didn't watch last night's Creature Feature, "The Dunwich Horror." Which sucks because I really like that hot mess of a film. But, by my own rules, I am allowed a misstep provided I watch it the following day, so that is what I will do. "The Dunwich Horror" shall join tonight's movie - the 2004 remake of George Romero's "Dawn of the Dead," in a double feature.

For the record, I am feeling much better now. I have resumed my medicine (which I forgot to take to the beach, like a dumbass) and caught up on sleep. So let's see how this whole thing works out this week! Check The Skinny below and thanks as usual for playing along!

Dawn of the Dead (2004): Directed by Zack Snyder. Starring Sarah Polley, Ving Rhames, Mikhi Pfeifer and Jake Weber.

The Skinny: A remake whose existence seems to defy the logic of remakes. The film follows a group of people trying to avoid a zombie infestation by hiding out in that bastion of American culture - the mall.

What's Good: It's a shame that this is director Zack Snyder's first film, because he eventually went on to make much better movies ("300," "Watchmen"). But for a modern take on teh zombie film - and one created by teh Godfather of the genre, George Romero - this isn't too bad. The film looks great and the actors give their all but there's just something off about the movie to me. Oh, I have so much to say that's bad we should just move on to --

What's Bad: Okay, first the fucking zombies are savage fast runners, like in "28 Days Later," something that bugs the living shit out of me. These zombies defy all zombie logic. A true zombie is a shambling creature - not a raving and drooling marathon runner! And second, yes I know we're still a disgusting consumerist culture, but the mall as an allegory for human existence is over, okay? It's so 1985. We've been there, bought that, sipped that latte and stole those shopping bags - what now? The whole movie should have taken place in one of those cell phone kiosks AT the mall instead of the mall itself. And third ... aw fuck it, there is no third.

Why We Like It: It's okay, as far as zombies go. That Jake Weber is one funny dude, and I do enjoy watching him and his snarky expressions. And who doesn't like Ving Rhames? But like I said, for the most part this movie is just okay with me. My problem is, why didn't they just make a new zombie film rather than tag this as a remake? There are one million zombie stories in the naked city, and this was two of them. Why didn't they just make a movie out of the video game "Dead Rising?" It has zombies AND a mall. Douche.

Memorable Stuff: I seem to recall something about a zombie baby being born in its dead mother's womb. That was pretty horrid.

100 Days of Horror Day Thirty-One - "The Dunwich Horror."

I am tasked by this and every other endeavor today, folks. I am ungodly tired, I am behind in work and I have to drive 50 fucking miles just to get 30 seconds worth of information.

I don't know if I will actually have the time to watch this movie today. But "The Dunwich Horror," based on the H.P. Lovecraft story of the same name, is worth your time.

The Dunwich Horror (1970)" Directed by Daniel Haller. Starring Dean Stockwell, Sandra Dee and Ed Begley.

The Skinny: Something wacky is happening at the old Whatley place, where years before an unspeakable horror was unleashed on the small town of Arkham. Years later, the son of the original owners is back to reclaim his demonic birthright.

What's good: This is one of my favorite movies in the genre. It's funny (unintentionally so), it's not scary in the least and it has a great cast. Now why is this a good thing for a horror movie? Well it usually isn't, but in cases like this - a classic B-Movie produced by Roger Corman - it's a perfect recipe for a great time. Dean Stockwell is barely restrained as Wilbur Whatley, his carnal and murderous desires plating endlessly at the edges of his eyes. And Sandra Dee just seems hypnotized the whole film (and also, that is not her naked - never once do you see boobies AND face at the same time. It's an obvious body double).

What's Bad: The script, the effects, the acting and the dialogue.

Why We Like It: See above.

Memorable Stuff: Talia Shire of "Rocky" fame being ripped to pieces by a monster that looks like a garbage bag covered with yarn and rubber hoses. Seriously.

100 Days of Horror Day Thirty - "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark!"

Hellish hellos ghouls and ghoulettes!

Pardon the lateness of today's post, but it was our last day at the beach and we had many things to cram into a short time - hence my hatred of both the day and weekend trips.

It's also a short one today, just because it's not only late but I am actually watching today's selection as we speak! With the company of the always-enjoyable Phil P., who has been tuning in off and on for the"100 Days of Horror" challenge since the very beginning, adding his hilarious and well-timed insights and running commentary.

Tomorrow's selection, one of my all-time favorite slices of cinematic cheese, "The Dunwich Horror!" How's that for a slice of fried gold!

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (1973): Directed by John Newland. Starring Kim Darby and Jim Hutton.

The Skinny: When Sally inherits her grandmother's mansion, she finds herself obsessed with a bricked up fireplace. When she questions the elderly caretaker about it, she believes his hesitation is just over his pride in his work. The truth is, the fireplace hides a hideous secret that ends in her doom! Ah-HAHAHAHAH!

What's Good: I'm not sure those words apply here, but the truth is I watched this movie when I was like six years old and it scared me damn near half to death. I mean it, it gave me nightmares for years and convinced me my old apartment was haunted. Watching it again over thirty years later and I find it one of the most ridiculous films I have ever seen. It involves the most unscariest monsters I have ever seen in my entire fucking life. Why I found this movie so terrifying as a child, I am not sure. Well, actually I do ... but I'll tell you all about it later.

What's Bad" Oh so many things, sir and madam. First, it's a made for television film from the early 70s, so how good could it be? Second, although I love Kim Darby as Lane's mom in "Better Off Dead," she's utterly awful in this movie. And third, these are the silliest creatures I have ever seen - they look like midgets in unfitting latex and that's probably the reason for the "Dark" of the title.

Why We Like It: Simple - childhood trauma. I watched this sucker when I was like five or six and it fucked my whole trip up. Forever afterwards I swear I could hear voices whispering that they would indeed get me - if not right now, then real fucking soon. And it's as great a time as I could ever imagine if you're looking for a good movie to make continual fun of.

Memorable Stuff: As a child, I specifically recall the denouement when the creatures are dragging poor Sally away as she fights them off with pops of a flashcube, seeing as how they can't abide the light. Other than that I remember the whispering, "Sallyyyyyyy! We want youuuuuuu!" These things scared me shitless.

100 Days of Horror Day Twenty-Nine - "Shaun of the Dead!"

Ghoulish Mourning my moribund minions!

Yes, here I am on vacation still providing you with some my insights! Like you need my insights to get you through your day.

Anyhoo, yes here I am seaside in lovely Ocean City, MD ... er, oceanside, or bayside - what body of water is this? Ah, fuck it. Regardless of my locale, I still watched last night's selection, "Lady Frankenstein," while sitting outside at the campground as the rest of the family slept in the air conditioning inside. Losers.

And I'll do the same with tonight's movie, the indelible classic "Shaun of the Dead!" Check the (pre-written) Skinny below! Tomorrow, it's time to "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark!"

Shaun of the Dead (2004): Directed by Edgar Wright. Starring Simon Pegg, Lucy Davis, Nick Frost and Bill Nighy.

The Skinny: Just in case it’s somehow possible that you haven’t seen this “Rom-Zom-Com” yet (that’s “Romantic Zombie Comedy”), run out immediately and rent it. Simon Pegg plays the titular character, a 30-something schlub on the verge of losing his hottie girlfriend. And right in the middle of a plague of undead. As the world falls apart around him, Shaun must make decisions whose consequences will stretch far beyond the next wave of zombies in need of a mowdown.

What’s good: Almost everything. It’s funny, it’s sad, it’s good for the soul like nourishing chicken soup. This is the “horror” movie you get your girlfriend to watch because it’s about a couple just like you! And it’s isn’t really scary so much as it is … well, just quirky. Simon Pegg is absolutely amazing - he is a comic genius who can sell a joke without really even trying. And his comedic partner in crime Ed Frost is even funnier if that's possible.

What’s bad: Practically nothing. True, it’s no Oscar winner, but Pegg and comedic companion Nick Frost (also the stars of buddy cop movie parody “Hot Fuzz”) have incredible chemistry and they wring every laugh out of the script co-penned by Wright and Pegg. And while it’s no “Sophie’s Choice,” the film is not without real tear-jerker moments. Scenes involving Shaun’s mother and stepdad (Bill Nighy, in all his deadpan glory) are gut-wrenching and the final moments between Pegg and Frost rival the best buddy moments in cinema history.

Why we like it: Seriously, what’s not to love? It’s loaded with great repeatable lines (“You’ve got red on you,” “Do any of you cunts want a beer?”), and Pegg’s Shaun is likeable even when he’s fucking up. And if some of the scenes don’t bring a tear to your eye, then you are one heartless bastard. Go rent the “Saw” series and lock yourself away in your creepy little bedroom and don’t bother the rest of us. We want our "Shaun," because even when he's bashing zombie skulls with a cricket bat, he's just so frigging adorable. And director Edgar Wright is one of the hottest up-and-coming directors out there.

Memorable stuff: Attacking the zombie chick in the backyard with Shaun’s outdated record collection (“Purple Rain?” “No!” “Sign o' the Times?” “Definitely not!” “The Batman soundtrack?” “Throw it.”) is just for starters. The dialogue will have you and your geeky friends quoting for hours on end and will inspire endless costume opportunities for overweight middle-aged losers like myself.

100 Days of Horror Day Twenty-Eight - "Lady Frankenstein!"

ATTENTION BOILS AND GHOULS! IT'S TIME FOR "DR. WOLFENSTEIN'S FEATURE CREATURE SHOW!"

Sorry but this is a short one by necessity today. We are leaving shortly for the beach! YAY OCEAN CITY MARYLAND! WE LOVE YOU!

Anyway, I will still update the blog (no idea what time) and will still watch movies so restr assured it will continue. And I know you were ALL so worried about that!

Today it's Italian horror camp classic "Lady Frankenstein!" Enjoy it's sensual, evil decadence and check The Skinny below!

Tomorrow it's "Shaun of the Dead!" YAY!

Lady Frankenstein (1971): Directed by Mel Welles. Starring Joseph Cotton and Rosabla Neri.

The Skinny: This Italian horror classic gives a feminist spin on the Frankenstein cannon. When the daughter of Dr. Frankenstein watches him die at the hands of her own creation, she hatches a devious plan to swap the brains of her older lover into the body of a handsome young man. The monster, however, shows up to put those plans to rest.

What’s Good: This film is a bizarre meditation on sex, death, youth and beauty. The titular Lady Frankenstein, as played by erotic film actress Rosabla Neri, is a sparking combination of sensuality and menace – somehow all at once sometimes. As her insatiable desires built to fever pitch and lead to murder, the joy and thrill of the kill plays across her face like a cat stalking a bird. It’s a strange and erotic journey, “Lady Frankenstein” is, but it’s definitely worth a look or two if only for its seething S&M undercurrent.

What’s Bad: Oh this one has it all – bad acting, bad directing, bad lighting, bad scenery, bad makeup, bad costumes and a bad video transfer. But honestly, this movie falls into the “It’s so bad it’s good” category of film in general, and let’s face it we all like the occasional bad movie don’t we? If you let yourself get a little wasted beforehand, you know a drink and a smoke maybe, you’ll be howling on the floor with laughter at the wooden acting and stilted dialogue.

Why We Like It: I think I enjoy just about every one of the Frankenstein movies, from the original Universal pictures to the Hammer House of Horror movies of the 50s and 60s to even misunderstood pieces like “The Bride” and “Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein.” This one is just as good in certain ways as the Hammer films, but it has that Spaghetti Western edge to it by a.) being an Italian-produced film, it uses some of those same locations and b.) it’s as dry and as dusty as the desert itself. But Neri is very sexy in her own way and like I said, there is just a creepiness to the whole production.

Memorable Stuff: ALL the sex scenes are pretty damn hot, but what adds to them in some cases is the kinky violence that underscores Neri’s every motion. Plus, there is some actual violence along with the sex, including the graphic, disturbing ending which I shant reveal here. Plus, the monster’s makeup is reprehensible.

100 Days of Horror Day Twenty-Seven - "I Bury the Living!"

Come one and come all to this tragic affair! Wipe off that make-up - what's in is despair! Throw on the black dress, mix in with the lot! You might wake up and notice you're someone you're not!

And with that we are one day shy of the four week anniversary of the 100 Days of Horror. That's a month. I'm shocked, seriously, because I can't go a month without drinking soda or masturbating so how the hell did I get this far?! I don't know. Something new, perhaps? Something within me stirred, rekindled anew? Hmm, yes. Good question and one we won't ponder here.

And in other news, today actually IS my anniversary. My wife and I have been married for 14 years, together for 18. We sometimes actually forget this date, and to me it isn't neglect or forgetfulness - it's the fact that in my mind (and I believe in her mind, too) our true anniversary is Halloween, which is the day we met. Which is why I love the holiday more than any other. And which is why we throw a big-assed Halloween party every year.

So Happy Anniversary honeybear. I love you more every day, it's true. You hear that and think it's bullshit sentiment but it isn't And I know things will only get better.

If only the movie selection on here would get better (my god, am I the master of the segue or what?).

Actually, "I Bury the Living" ("Lady Frankenstein" is actually tomorrow, sorry) is a good film, if somewhat misguided. Also, it's in the Public Domain, so you can check it out at www.internetarchive.org if you'd like to view it. Check The Skinny Below!

Ocean City and "Lady Frankenstein" coming up tomorrow!

"I Bury The Living" (1958): Directed by Albert Band. Starring Richard Boone and Theodore Bickel.

The Skinny: This is actually a nice moody piece with a decent performance from star Richard Boone (of 50s/60s-era western TV show "Paladin" fame). Boone stars as a committee member massive for a cemetery that keeps track its available plots with a complex board of white pins (available) and black pins (occupado). When he accidentally mixes up the system, however, a couple is killed from his mistake and he realizes he suddenly can control the very lives of the people associated with the cemetery.

What's Good: For a B-rate movie in the public domain, this actually ain't so bad a movie. It's filmed in rich black and white and has a few very cerebral moments of quality filmmaking. Boone, who went on to greater fame in the television world, gives one of his best and most compelling performances here. As he descends into madness, he is a sweaty mess of panic and desperation.

What's Bad: It's dialogue is reprehensible, and some of the supporting actors appear to have taken acting lessons at the Ed Wood School For Theatrical Losers. Also, there is kind of a disjointed action to the plot that if you think too hard about, you will ruin the film for yourself. Sometimes, we have to just put aside the dumb stuff and just enjoy the atmosphere the film generates - and it has plenty of that!

Why We Like It: Richard Boone is great. I've heard he was a boozy mess by this point of his life, but in this film he is right on top of his game. Like John Wayne, he has both a solid masculinity as well as a dark and vulnerable aspect that plays in his eyes and at the edges of his entire performance. He's riveting to watch, and that's a good thing since much of the film is him flipping out over his crazy pin board.

Memorable Stuff: There is a scene where Boone realizes what he can do and the camera spins and he in an utter panic. That's just about all I remember. That, and the bad Scottish burr that co-star Theodore Bikel puts out. It's ridiculous, enough to put a true Scottsman off his drink.

100 Days of Horror Day Twenty-six - "Paranormal Activity!"

Hello to you all, faithful friends and readers.

Today's entry is brief but that's because I am REAL under the weather. Head, chest and throat are all in shitty condition. And the real kicker is a.) I have to meet with some HIV-positive kids tomorrow and shouldn't be feverish when I do. And b.) I'm supposed to go to the beach this weekend, but of course I am sick. I KNEW God would ruin my summer! LOUSY GOD!

So I hope you all can enjoy tonight's feature, the utterly terrifying "Paranormal Activity." All I can say to you is, believe the hype. The movie is so frightening people were walking out during test screenings and the trailers for the upcoming second film were so scary they pulled them from theaters in Texas. It's a quality film and I think you'll find it's closer to "The Blair Witch Project" than it is to "Quarantine" or "Cloverfield." Check The Skinny below!

Tomorrow's movie: B-Movie classic "Lady Frankenstein!"

Paranormal Activity (2009): Directed by Oren Peli. Starring Micah Sloat and Katie Featherston.

The Skinny: A young couple, amused by some strange goings-on in their apartment as they sleep, decide to set up a camera at night to see what they could see. However, as the trouble escalates, it becomes clear that this is no simple haunting or poltergeist – it is a malevolent entity with it’s eyes fixed on the young woman.

What’s Good: Actually, this is a pretty scary movie, if I may say so myself. Taking its cues from the superior “Blair Witch Project,” “Paranormal Activity” is presented as “found footage” of the couple’s videos after the events of the film have concluded. Of course, I won’t give that away here, but let’s just note that it isn’t “Home Alone.” Not only does it take the “found footage” aspect from “Blair Witch” but also the use of actors’ real names in place of character names. I don’t want to give the impression that this is a “Blair Witch” ripoff – many of which are out there, to be sure – but it is in the exact same vein. But where “Blair Witch” was utterly devoid of special effects and shot with mixed video with 8mm and black-and-white film stocks, “Paranormal Activity” is shot all on digital in clear color – even for the night scenes. There are also a few effects shots – such as when one of the main characters is dragged out of bed in the middle of the night. What is brilliant about the piece is the way it chooses to conceal rather than reveal the source of the disturbance – we never see a ghostly figure or hulking demon’s shadow. And although we pretty much know what’s happening by the end, the ultimate reason for the demonic obsession is never revealed.

What’s Bad: There are a few scenes where dialogue drags the piece out a bit too much. Plus, since there is no actual scripted dialogue (another “Blair Witch” feature), the actors come off like they’re in an improv workshop somewhere. Also, the jittery camera work, and the nighttime video, makes for an unpleasant viewing experience for some – particularly if you are sensitive to motion sickness. And while the actors seem to give their all at times, they are just B-Rate talent who do nothing more than react to the things they find on their footage from the night before. Only in the final third of the film do we see some real acting and not just “Okay, you and I are married and there’s a monster in the house!” kind of improvisational stuff. And, depending on how/where you get your copy (Internet, video rental, et cetera), there are THREE different endings, each with their own twisted take. I won’t reveal those endings to you, but trust that they are all very bleak.

Why We Like It: This is a damn scary movie if for just the fact that it actually seems very real … just like the “Blair Witch.” I don’t mean to keep making these comparisons, but they’re there – there are only so many of these “found footage” movies out there that are quality and this is one. My 12-year-old son put it perfectly: “This movie is scary because I believe it could happen to me.” Ergo, while he isn’t terrified of zombies or vampires (glittery or otherwise), he is afraid of the unknown. And aren’t we all?

Memorable Stuff: Much of the movie is the couple sleeping while strange things happen around them, so there isn’t much of a visual repertoire. The things I recall are the girl being dragged out of bed and down the hall by an unseen force and I have to admit – I do not know how the hell did they did that. Just trust me – watch it with a friend with the lights off and you’ll be scared shitless.