100 Days of Horror welcomes you to ... SATANFEST 2013

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"Y'all know me, know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch this bird for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad fish! Not like going down to the pond and chasing bluegills and tommycods. This shark, swallow ya whole. Little shakin', little tenderizin', and down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that'll bring back the tourists, that'll put all your businesses on a payin' basis. But it's not gonna be pleasant! I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I'll find him for three, but I'll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you've gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no mates, there's too many captains on this island. Ten thousand dollars for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing."

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

100 Days of Horror Day Four - "The Grudge."

Greetings and welcome to my home! Enter freely of your own will and leave some of the happiness that you bring!

And enough with the "Dracula" quotes ...

Tuesday morning and I am beat. It's DEADLINE DAY for the newspaper and it ain't my best day ever. Regardless, Tuesday nights are infinitely better, and tonight will be no exception I am sure.

Except for the movie selection, that is ...

Tonight is "The Grudge," and I am not thrilled in the least. I cannot recall this movie (despite the fact that I own it) and I cannot recall how I even came to possess it. But I DO remember I didn't like it. I think. It's all below:

The Grudge (2004): Directed by Takashi Shimizu, starring Michelle Gelar, Bill Pullman, Jason Behr and William Mapother.

The skinny: Yet another remake of a better Asian film. And while I do own it, it’s been so long since I watched it that I hadda look up what the damn thing was about, and after reading it I was still lost. But here’s what Wikipedia has to say about it: “The Grudge describes a curse that is born when someone dies in the grip of a powerful rage or extreme sorrow. The curse gathers in the place where that person died. Those who encounter this murderous supernatural force die and the curse is reborn repeatedly, passed from victim to victim in an endless, growing chain of horror.” Okay, if you say so …

What’s good: I have no idea. I own this movie and have only ever seen it once, so it must not have impressed on me very much. It has something to do with a curse and a house and scary Asian children. I think. And I think Buffy is in there somewhere, but she doesn’t kill one stinking vamp the whole movie, and that’s just wrong. Dammit.

What’s bad: Well, I have never seen “Ju-on,” the Asian film that spawned this flick, but from what I’ve been told it is superior in every way. But I can also say that – other than screaming Asian children – this movie failed to leave a mark on me in any way. And it even has Grace Zabriskie in it (Laura’s mom from “Twin Peaks”) and she’s one of my favorite actresses, and she can’t save this piece. I’m not even sure why I own it.

Memorable stuff: Like I said – scary Asian kids, crawling down stairs, hiding in attics and scrabbling up your leg as you lie in bed. And that’s about it. How did they squeeze two sequels out of that?