100 Days of Horror welcomes you to ... SATANFEST 2013

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"Y'all know me, know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch this bird for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad fish! Not like going down to the pond and chasing bluegills and tommycods. This shark, swallow ya whole. Little shakin', little tenderizin', and down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that'll bring back the tourists, that'll put all your businesses on a payin' basis. But it's not gonna be pleasant! I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I'll find him for three, but I'll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you've gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no mates, there's too many captains on this island. Ten thousand dollars for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing."

Thursday, January 13, 2011

100 Days of Futureshock Day 6 - "Dune!"


What you are experiencing is real. Do not panic. You may feel a slight tingling sensation, but that is normal as your body grows accustomed to the change in gravimetric pressure. Do not panic ...

And so, once again we made a slight change to the list for yesterday's film. It was originally going to be a double bill of the two "Metropolis" movies - the one from the 1920s and the Anime one from 2002 - but I then realized the futility in attempting to watch two movies in one weekday night, take notes on them, and blog about it afterwards. And then I realized that I had already come to this realization when compiling the list and I could have sworn that I changed the entire list so that double bills were only scheduled on weekends. Perhaps this happened in a drug and alcohol-induced stupor, or perhaps I was just too lazy to finish that change. Regardless, that will be how it is from now on, so I will try and make adjustments accordingly.

So let it be written! So let it be done!

And now we come to the movie we watched instead - the movie it took a million years to finally bring to the big screen, only for it to die in a sea of disappointment. That's right - David Lynch's 1984 classic - "Dune!"

Thanks again for playing along! We luurve you all!

Dune (1984): Directed by David Lynch (as 'Alan Smithee'). Starring Kyle MacLaughlan, Max Von Sydow, Jurdgen Prochnow, Francesca Annis, Alicia Witt, Sean Young, Sting and Virginia Madsen.

The Skinny: In the 10,000th millennium, the entire known universe is addicted to a drug called "spice" that is also necessary for space travel. On the one and only planet where this drug is found (one guess as to the name of the planet), a messiah arises from a fallen family to lead the planet's indigenous peoples to freedom!

The Real Deal: No one should ever, ever blame David Lynch for this muddled message of a movie. At its core are fine performances and a compelling story that got raped and ravaged by the studios and the producers. So much so that Lynch has forever disowned the film and even released it under the shared Hollywood nom de plume for directors ashamed of their work, Alan Smithee.

That said, the movie is a bit of a mess.

For one, there are these retarded voice-overs that are supposed to be someone's private thoughts. Only we can hear them. In some places it feels necessary - in others, it's a major chuckle-worthy distraction. Then there's the massive gaps in the original story, characters that come and go and are never heard from again, and some often cheesy special effects.

And then there's Sting.

If I didn't believe differently, I'd swear Lynch was gay. Because Sting gets such a treatment in this movie - stepping nearly completely naked from a steam bath, much to Baron "I Like Little Boys, But Only To Look At, Never To Touch" Harkonnen's delight. Sting also disowned the movie, telling people he'd like to forget it even exists. But it does. And there he is, in some green weird looking Speedo with wings, with his rippling muscles glistening ....

See, goddamn ... I was nearly gay.

Is It Worth My Time: Hells yes. This movie rocks. If you just give in to it, don't expect too much, don't let yourself get bogged down with little things like plot, you'll likely find it an enjoyable experience. Yes, there is plenty to howl at - Thufir Howatt's eyebrows, for one thing - but there's also plenty of just plain old David Lynch weirdness to enjoy. Now, if you don't dig his weirdness, then by all means you're gonna have a problem with this movie. If, however, you have a taste for the bizarre and patience for multiple viewings (possibly of numerous different versions), you'll find a little something to enjoy. Maybe.

Best Scene Ever: No doubt, it's the final scenes where Kyle rides naked on the back of massive sand worms. Okay not naked, but yeah - sand worms. Yeah - it's that badass.

Quotable Stuff: "It is by will alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of Sapho that thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stains. The stains become a warning. It is by will alone I set my mind in motion." - The Mentat Mantra, recited by Piter De Vries.