100 Days of Horror welcomes you to ... SATANFEST 2013

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"Y'all know me, know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch this bird for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad fish! Not like going down to the pond and chasing bluegills and tommycods. This shark, swallow ya whole. Little shakin', little tenderizin', and down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that'll bring back the tourists, that'll put all your businesses on a payin' basis. But it's not gonna be pleasant! I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I'll find him for three, but I'll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you've gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no mates, there's too many captains on this island. Ten thousand dollars for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing."

Monday, May 28, 2012

Dig This Experiment in Genius ...

Summer's greetings to one and to all, from the seemingly abandoned offices of The Unstoppable Movie Monster crew! It's 2012, the Eschaton is near (Dec. 22nd party, anyone?!), and it's time to waste our life with yet another pointless, useless challenge!

It's late on a Monday night - Memorial Day, to be precise - and I've been drinking, because beer. And as I didn't have my copy of my favorite drinking movie on hand (that's Terry Gilliam's "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," in case you're interested), I dropped in my second favorite drinking movie, "Jaws."

Now, I know what you're thinking: "why in the hell would any sane, reasonable person consider watching 'Jaws' as a reason to party?!'" Well, first off, who the hell said I was sane and rational? Stop putting words in my mouth, you sanctimonious prick! You think you know me? And second, "Jaws" is a man's movie. Women are absent to the point of non-existence and when we do encounter them, they're either shark bait, bitching about sharks in the estuary, or it's Mrs. Brody screeching about her children and stuffing an extra pair of glasses in Mr. Brody's black socks. It's so testosterone-laden that when it's shown on television, small towns across America see increases in violent crime and facial hair in the womenfolk. It's true. Hell, an entire third of the film consists of three guys drinking, fishing and showing off scars in a totally non-homoerotic way. What's more manly than that?

Anyway, the idea that "Jaws" goes well with conspicuous consumption of alcohol actually dates back a few years when, bored on one Fourth of July weekend, a former friend and I got a bottle of tequila, locked ourselves in my office and drank it all as we watched the movie over and over again. Suddenly it seemed a perfect combination and has remained that way ever since.

As I sat watching it this balmy May evening, it got me to thinking about the idea of summertime blockbuster movies. And how "Jaws" essentially invented the genre, with its infinite number of tie-ins and its marketing and wide release during peak movie time (mind you, we're talking 450 theaters, which in 1975 was a shit-ton of theaters). Now, the summer wouldn't be the same without a few huge movies gracing the screens and dominating our culture. Some of them become classics, some of them are utter shit and should never have seen the light of day, and yet others are the result of some fetishistic dream on the behalf of the director/producer. Only a select few so-called blockbusters have transcended the role of classic film and somehow entered the Zeitgeist forever.

I can't handle this.
Since I've been looking for a reason to restart this blog, I came up with the idea of doing some type of blockbuster movie thing. But what's the challenge aspect of it? Honestly, I don't relish the idea of watching 100 days worth of blockbusters, because fuck that. It's too wide a category and filled with too many movies I just can't handle watching.

Seeing as how July 4 is on a Thursday this year, however, I am entertaining the idea of a 24-hour-long marathon of blockbusters films, with live blogging throughout, and all of it culminating in a midnight showing of the movie that seeded this whole idea. So I'm thinking, start the marathon at midnight on July 3 and end it after the viewing of "Jaws" at midnight the next day, actually making it more of a 26.5-hour-long marathon. But that's okay, I'm sure I can handle the extra time under the right circumstances.

Since the category is so broad, I have decided to turn to you, gentle readers, to help me pick what movies to watch. Rough estimates say I should be able to watch between 9 to 12 movies in that time, not including "Jaws." If a movie is still playing at midnight on July 4, it will be preempted for the penultimate reason for the whole effort.

So, yeah - help me pick the movies! They can be bad or good or great. They can be from any era and in any genre, and I would love to hear your argument for why any particular movie should be on the list. It doesn't have to even be an official blockbuster - i.e., a high-concept film created with the goal in mind of making a lot of money. It could even be a planned-yet-failed blockbuster film, because god knows we love bad fucking movies here!

Below are a few links to help you get started. I look forward to tackling this challenge and hope to receive a lot of input back from you folks!