100 Days of Horror welcomes you to ... SATANFEST 2013

Monday, September 23, 2013

"I am the devil, and I'm here to do the devil's business ...."

It's just another Morbid Monday here at the offices of the Unstoppable Movie Monster, ladies and gents.
We are plugging along, ready to bring you a month of Satanic cinema this October - in fact our list will be posted later this week, for those of you who play along at home - and we are working on our feature stories on our region's annual haunted attractions.

Delays and changes in scheduling have plagued us at every turn with this project - it isn't easy getting some of these folks on the line this time of year, frankly. But I am bound and determined to make this work, and all my efforts are focused on making it happen!

That said, let us talk about one spooky-ass place.

Eastern State Penitentiary, located in beautiful Northeast Philadelphia, is a looming and imposing site. It literally pops up in the middle of the Fairmount neighborhood, looking egregiously out of place among the upscale shops and restaurants surrounding its impenetrable stone walls and brutal, gothic parapets. It looks like a place you toss someone in an effort to forget all about them - and that's exactly what it is. Or was, anyway.

When it opened its doors in 1829, Eastern State was considered the first true penitentiary in the nation. The idea of the penitentiary was - duh - "penitence," where the time alone was to be spent in quiet reflection and communion with god. Criminals were isolated for the majority of their time at Eastern State, alone in their stone walled cells with just a slit of a window (the "eye of god") to allow in some sunlight and a few meager possessions. And by "possessions," we mean pretty much toiletries and a bible.

Eastern State's method soon came to be known as the "Philadelphia" or "Separate System," whereby isolation was considered the pathway to redemption. Prisoners were not permitted to socialize with one another - even recreation time was staggered so no two adjoining prisoners were out in their tiny recreation spaces at the same time. The small doors forced prisoners to "bow" to enter or exit their cells - another part of the religious atmosphere that surrounded the penitentiary. Prisoners were even hooded when they exited their cells so they wouldn't be recognized by their fellow inmates.

Most of the day was spent completely alone, although the warden was required to visit each prisoner once per day and the overseers at least three times a day. This method is the polar opposite of the "Auburn System," where prisoners were required to work together in silence and violators were subject to corporal punishment in the form of beatings. Punishment was not absent from Eastern State, however, as the guards often imposed their own cruel torture tactics. People were strapped to chairs for days on end, doused with water and left outside their cells, denied food and water and basic human needs - the worst perpetrators were dumped into a literal pit called "The Hole," which was located under cellblock 14, and left without sun or nourishment for up to two weeks at a time.

Over the years, Eastern State was home to several notable characters, perhaps most infamously Al Capone, who lived a life of luxury compared to his fellow inmates. Bank robber Willie Sutton was also housed there and even made a famous attempted escape from Eastern State in 1945.

Overcrowding and the obvious psychological effects of isolation eventually lead to the downfall of solitary confinement as the preferred method of correction, and Eastern State closed its doors to prisoners altogether in 1971. The massive facility lay dormant for nearly two decades, allowing Mother Nature to take back as much of the interior as she could, while an army of stray cats made the prison their home. It has since been the focus of a slow restoration process that has seen some of the building's facilities almost
completely restored.

The first Halloween-themed event was held in 1991, a combination of theatrical performances and true stories of the prisoners once held there. A few years later the event came to be known as "Terror Behind the Walls," and it quickly became one of the region's largest and most popular haunted attractions.

Billed as "high startle/low gore," the TBTW experience is one of immersion. As soon as you walk in the front doors, a prison riot is fully underway. Panicked guards shout in your face about getting out and needing help, while spotlights glare and klaxons sound, making the moment one you wouldn't want to face on strong psychedelics. Most of the rest of the tour takes you through some of the facility's main attractions, bolstered by disturbing sights and intriguing characters.

This year's event claims to be "darker" and "bloodier" than previous years, so this excites us at UMM beyond belief. This year's event is separated into six different attractions: The Gauntlet, Lock-Down, Detritus, Infirmary, The Experiment and Nightwatch. I got shivers just typing that sentence. It also sounds like visitors are given more chances to be a part of the festivities themselves, by choosing either to spectate the goings-on or to be an actual participant and possibly be part of the show.

We don't want to give away too much here - we've only been once ourselves and we have been told that some of the scenes change from year to year, so who knows what to expect in 2013? Other than a rollicking good time, that is - TBTW is tremendous fun, especially if you're surrounded with people who are as into the experience as you are. The over 250 actors hired each season are also top-notch, eager to scare the crap out of you, and the props and settings never appear cheap of thrown together. The key here is finesse and atmosphere, and one look at the photos tells you that they absolutely do not scrimp on effects.

We here at UMM can tell you that, even for the experienced haunted attraction enthusiast, this event kicks things up "a whole other level," as our bestest friend and loyal staff member Shannon pointed out. It is a very "in-your-face" experience, and - like we said - it's total immersion. You will feel like you are a part of the prison because, frankly, you ARE a part of it for the duration of your visit. So wear comfy shoes and make sure you bring your Depends, because your bladder may damn well fail.

Eastern State is open year-round as a museum for self-guided tours, with Steve "Mr. Pink" Buscemi as your audio tour guide. There is much to learn and enjoy with a visit to this fascinating piece of American history and is well worth it at any time of year.

Oh and by the way - the joint is rife with spirits. Seriously. If you're a "sensitive," you may find yourself deeply disturbed during your visit. To truly experience the presences that inhabit its walls, go in the off-season. And take a Valium before you go. I am not kidding in the slightest.

To learn more or for tickets and tour times, visit www.easternstate.org. Scroll down for a preview video!


Thursday, September 19, 2013

"I have wondered whether life wouldn't be much more amusing if we were all devils ..."

Late day salutations, my morbid minions. It's been a rough few weeks here at the offices of the Unstoppable Movie Monster - I shant elaborate further but rest assured, we've had more than a few sleepless nights to combat in the past month.

I tell ya - with the Halloween season rapidly approaching, all this stress makes it difficult to get into the holiday spirit. Usually by now, the MP3 player is primed for the occasion. We pack it with Halloween themed music, toss in some Cramps and some Misfits and other tasty rockabilly treats for good measure, and top it all off with a heaping ladle of Rob Zombie's finest ghoul rock. We break out the foam tombstones and the pentagram candle holders; we dust off the resin skulls and take stock on our number of bugs, body parts and trinket rings.

But no, the spirit is eluding us this year so far. Although, we did get a bit of a kick out of helping our friends at Home and Garden Culture in Kennett Square set up over 250 pumpkins, gourds and other fall treats at their shop last week. And since we've been perusing titles for our upcoming Satanfest 2013 next month, sorting through all those horror movies is kind of getting my spirit in order. There are just some vital components missing, still - and I'll be damned if I can put my finger on what those components are.

Anyway, as we continue to prepare for Satanfest, we're also trying to carry through on our promise to bring
you some feature articles on some of our region's best Halloween-themed attractions. However, we're a bit behind on those for a few reasons - and I swear, not all of them are my reasons! If all goes according to plan, however, we will be bringing you a feature on the region's oldest and truest haunted attraction Jason's Woods this Sunday. And next week, we hope to feature Eastern State Penitentiary's Terror Behind The Walls - one of the spookiest sights you will ever set your eyes on!

In the meantime, I figured I would bring you a fun little feature on one of my favorite haunted attractions - although this one isn't holiday related. It's a permanent, ghoulishly delightful attraction that can be found on the one and only Inlet Boardwalk at Ocean City, Md. Hallelujah.

Called simply the "Haunted House," the ride sits close to the Inlet side of the Boardwalk, its monstrous vampire bat and bright orange letters easily seen from the adjacent Inlet parking lot. First opened in 1964, the ride is still owned and operated by Trimper's, a family name in Ocean City and the ones that own practically every ride and attraction along the boards.

Since opening its doors nearly 50 years ago, the ride has undergone a number of changes and upgrades over the decades, including the addition of a second story in 1989 that enabled riders to briefly emerge from the inside to catch a glimpse of the Boardwalk before being thrust back into darkness.

The attraction underwent its most recent upgrades last year, when literally dozens of the scenes inside were retooled, replaced or otherwise touched up for the first time in years. Some long-dormant pieces were fixed and a number of classic elements were restored, much to longtime fans' delights.

The ride is as simple as any other of its style - coffin-shaped carts just big enough for two to fit snugly into
move down a track past ghoulish sights like a hooded body flop
ping form a gallows, a spinning nightmare tunnel, and a near head-on collision with a train. There are dayglo spiders, talking vampires, a classic Electrocuted Man fixture from Distortions Unlimited, a torture rack and so much more. And the ride is still under $5 a person, so you cannot beat that with a baseball bat, now can ya?


This is something my family and I made sure to visit every time we went to Ocean City, which was quite
frequently when the kids were younger. My oldest son was always terrified of the ride, while my youngest was always ready to strap himself to the front of the cart in defiance of the horrors within. But now, they both share a loving nostalgic view of the attraction, and we still make sure to ride whenever we make it down to the shore. It's a wonderful piece of Americana and one that I hope stays around for another 50 years for future generations to bond over like my family did.

If you want to learn more about the rid,e they maintain a great website, which you can visit by clicking here. It's a great site that has the whole history of the ride and other tidbits about the history of Ocean City and Trimpers Amusements.

By the way, these are all my photos, taken during a 2008 trip with my kids and my wife, from whom I am now separated. And below, check out a video my son and I shot inside the ride back in 2010. Enjoy folks and thanks as usual for reading!

The Unstoppable Movie Monster's family: From left, Josiah, Melissa and Elijah.
Video Below: Watch at the beginning as my wife - in the cart with my older son - tries to pry his hands from his eyes as they enter. Meanwhile, my younger son quips that he fears only "plastic." Enjoy!

Monday, September 9, 2013

"I am a friend and a companion of the night ..."

"Before Watchmen"artist Adam
Hughes.
"The terror you feel is real."

Merry Morbid Monday to you, faithful legion. The Unstoppable Movie Monster terror train continues to barrel down the track, with our October Satanfest rapidly approaching! We are still hard at work compiling our list of movies and getting them on the schedule for a month of devilish delight.

We are also working on getting you our list of area attractions for the Halloween season, and while we may be a day or two off schedule, we are still launching the first story this week. So stay tuned for that update any day now!

But first, let's take a quick step back and discuss weekend's activities - mainly, our attendance at the
Baltimore Comic Convention.
Mike Mignola, of Hellboy fame.

Insanely cool Dr. Strange!
You may not know this about Your Humble Narrator, my loyal readers, but I am a bit of a comic geek. I say a bit, but in reality I own a serious collection (in volume, anyway, if not in quality pieces - but I gots a few of them, too), love comic book movies and even have a Spawn tattoo and figures littering my creepy bachelor pad. Among others.

To quote Gale Boetticher: "Yes, I am a geek."

But as big of a comic geek as I am, I have never been to a big comic convention type event before. Oh, I hit up Free Comic Book Day every year and I have been to a few small conventions that are mostly dealer expos, but this was my first foray into the depths of the Comicon culture. And I knew I was in over my head the moment I signed up.

A UMM Must-Have - Munster's
toys! Need! Want! Need!
Fortunately, we had our best friend and loyal UMM staff member Shannon along for moral support, and to help us navigate the con since she is an old-school Otakon attendee.

Since Otakon has been at the Baltimore Convention Center for the past 20 years, Shannon was very familiar with the layout, and also had a solid plan on how to tackle the event - which, while I was convinced was massive and so crowded that I wanted to hack my way through with a machete, was evidently nothing compared to Otakon.

Ashley J. Simpson with a li'l
Boomstick action. 
"This is nothing compared to Otakon," Shannon said with a dismissive wave of her hand at the paltry crowd of cosplayers and lookers-on milling about on the convention floor. "They had 35,000 at Otakon this year."

Still, while Otakon may eclipse the BCC in terms of sheer scale, that doesn't mean that the few thousand attendees over last weekend's con were no less enthusiastic about their respective obsessions than the average Otakon maniac weeaboo "glomping" people and shouting "KAWAIIIII!" and "SUGOIIII" and other stuff Shannon said that they scream but I forgot.

Phantomex, one of my
favorite Grant Morrison
Mutants from New X-Men.
That said, there were people walking around in costumes of various quality, from duct tape and hand-drawn tee-shirts to "Whoa, how much money/time did you need to invest in THAT?" and all things in between.

There were also more toys and schwag than Ron Jeremy could shake his sizable schween at. So much that my poor little head was spinning in just a short time. And what really sucked is, I had very limited funds to spend there, despite being warned in advance by Joe Murray of Capt. Blue Hen Comics to "set a budget and then double it."

Tom Hiddleston as Loki in pencil, by
artist Cory Smith of Chicago. 
So instead of spending money, I wandered around in a daze, looking for hot chicks in revealing outfits, leaving my camera sitting on a box of Avengers comics at the Apocalypse Comics booth and seeking out my buddy Jeff McComsey of FUBAR fame, who was hunkered down at the tail end of Artists Alley in their heavily armed, fortified and camouflaged bunker/booth.

"We're by the shitter," McComsey joked, jerking a thumb to his right at the nearby Men's Room. "But we're doing really well."

After a quick lunch at Moe's Southwest Grill, and a brief foray back into the dealer's room to snag a Thor pint glass for Shannon, we ventured upstairs in search of more fun and shenanigans, and to find a fabled Starbucks kiosk that was allegedly located at the far end of the building.

A handicapable artist and yes, that
pencil is in his mouth ...
And although we found that fabled Starbucks kiosk, the line of people that snaked its way around the front
of that sucker turned us away quicker than Peter Cushing can turn away ersatz vampires in a Hammer film.

Now exhausted, and suffering from a bout of the "Itis" after Moe's, Shannon and I sat down at a table on the second floor and let the tired seep in as we continued our people watching duties.

"It's starting to fill up more with cosplayers, I think," I said to Shannon, who was, at this point, actively struggling with consciousness. "The contest must be soon."

"Nothing compared to Otakon," she muttered. "This would be filled, packed - we wouldn't have been able
to sit!"
Vintage Star Wars toys for sale. I had
quite a few of these playsets myself. 

"Still," I started. "A lot more people down there --"

"OTAKON!" she grunted and slumped forward onto the table, her war with sleep nearing an end.

I could see she was inconsolable, and I left her to her thoughts. Years of Otakon madness had left her bored and jaded by the mild antics unfolding before us; a glimpse at a six foot tall chubby black man dressed as Wonder Woman failed to get even a second glance from Shannon's weary eye.

Our beautiful - if blurry - companion,
Shannon: "DIS CON AIN'T SHIT."
"That shit doesn't even phase me anymore," she said quietly, her tone that of a Vietnam vet who'd seen one too many buddies walking around with strings of rotting ears dangling from their necks. "That ain't shit compared to Otakon. Nothing."

I didn't - nor could I - argue, having never had the pleasure of attending Otakon. Instead, we laughed as a pair of kids who looked like they would have been more at home at Otakon that they did at the BCC mugged for photos in the same two poses for the better part of an hour.
Yes ... that's a boy ... dressed as Misty
from Pokemon. God save us all. 

We left not long after that, having had our fill of comic-related fun. By the time we got to the car two blocks
away, we were smiling and recounting the day with joy - it was a lovely time in the city, and a fine exploration of the fringes of the rising geek culture that gains more street cred by the day.

In fact, there are plans to return next year - and to perhaps make a foray into the Otakon world, where we would truly be out of our element ...

Without the guiding hand of our tour guide Shannon alongside us, that is ... and that won't happen.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

"Ask me about the Lord Jesus and the Satan."

"WARNING! No one will be seated during the last ten minutes of this shocking film! It is recommended that
ladies do NOT attend alone!"

Late night ghoulish greetings, my Army of the Damned. We're kinda sleepy, sitting here watching "House of 1,000 Corpses" and feeling nostalgic. And kind of excited! Ever since our announcement of the upcoming SATANFEST 2013, the phones at the offices of the Unstoppable Movie Monster have been ringing off the hook! The bill collectors will not leave us alone! It was so dumb to include our phone number in our blogger profile! You stupid humans. Stupid! STUPID!

But other than those unwarranted interruptions, your loyal crew of film enthusiasts here at UMM have been hard at work compiling a list of movies pertaining to the Devil or demonic possession for next month's satanic marathon. It hasn't been easy, because we are trying to work up a list of movies that we either haven't ever seen or that we're only marginally familiar with. But we assigned a few members of our loyal crew to the task and they've come up with a few ringers.

Here's a partial list, to tickle your ass with a feather as they say:

"The Exorcism of Emily Rose"

"The Possession"

"Devil"

"The Last Exorcism

"The Conjuring"

"End of Days"

"The Unborn"

"The Blood on Satan’s Claw"

"The Sentinel"

"Jigoku"

It's a very exciting list so far - for me, anyway - as I have only seen three of the movies out of those ten. And that is just a teaser of the movies we're lining up for viewing, and we are also still accepting your suggestions, so be sure to email those to us! The sooner we get the list, the sooner we can post it, with the movies in order.

We do know for sure that we will's kick off the month-long marathon on Tuesday, Oct. 1 with a viewing of Rob Zombie's newest mindfuck of a film, 2013's "The Lords of Salem." I actually went to the theater to see this, and I was one of six people in the theater - and three of them were with me. And that is a shame, because I personally think it's destined to be a new cult classic. I have a lot to say about the movie, but I will save all that for the Oct. 1 blog.

And that's kind of it for the night kiddies. Yours Truly is kinda tired as all hell. But more to come very soon, and keep your suggestions rolling in!


Tuesday, September 3, 2013

"Satan ... come to us ... we are ready!"

"PARENTS: Be sure your children are sufficiently mature to witness the intimate details of this frank and revealing film!"
Film by Zombie, sweater by
Beetlejuice.
Greetings, all your freaks of the flesh! Long time no hear, I know. I'm like your methed out mom, showing up weeks later ... wait, I've used that metaphor already, haven't I? Damn. Well, you know my secret now; I'm a methed out mom. Not the lovable, chubby, balding, middle aged, lonely, single and pathetic creature you've come to know and loathe, but a poor white trash babymomma strung out on Crystal Blue Persuasion. Which is worse? You tell me, I'm too close to the game to make the call ...

God, I love a saucy Satan ...
Anyhow ... we are here because recent changes in employment have allowed me to return to my love of all things horrific and spine-tingling. And it feels damn good to be back, let me tell you! So good, in fact, that we are going to celebrate with a little Satan.

In fact, a LOT of Satan. A whole month's worth. Can you handle that much Satan? Yeah, you can take it. And if not, pain builds character. 

What is it with Satan
and the naked people?
This October, we shall return to the blogisphere with a movie-a-day marathon featuring everyone's favorite Fallen Angel. From Oct. 1 to Oct. 30, we shall watch one movie a day with either the Devil or demonic possession as the central theme of the movie. On Halloween Day, we shall indulge in a Devil-fest of epic proportions with the Unholy Trinity of Cinematic Satanism - "Rosemary's Baby," "The Exorcist" and "The Omen."

The rest of the list? Well, we're still compiling that actually. We're trying to incorporate movies that we've never seen before, or at best only seen a few times, and that's actually pretty damn hard. So we welcome your suggestions and you can send them to the email at the bottom of this post. Please have all submissions in by Friday, Sept. 27, so we can compile and post our list by Sept. 30.

It never does, Satan. It never does. 
As usual, we welcome you to play along as we live blog about the films, what we love and what we hate about them, and whether or not they belong in the coveted Unstoppable Movie Monster archives, which are already vast and so massive we employ a series of goblins to monitor them 24/7. 

As a lead in to this year's marathon, we will also be reviewing four of the Philadelphia/Lancaster region's finest Halloween themed attractions, one per week starting next Monday. We will highlight some favorites and one or two we've never been to personally. 

We are hoping to feature: Jason's Woods in Lancaster County; Eastern State Penitentiary's "Terror behind
Satan, pictured above, is about to
kick out a Chorus Line.
the Walls;" The Bates Motel at Arasafa Farms; and the Valley of Terror in E. Marlborough Township. 

So it should be a fun-filled and devilishly good fall season! And I am glad to be back at the helm of this blog, and am humbled by the response it still receives to this day. I love you freaks. I really do. 

So send me your love and your movie suggestions at: wmshawnweigel@gmail.com and let's get this party started! 

Thanks again for reading and a happy early-autumn greetings to one and all. 

Monday, May 28, 2012

Dig This Experiment in Genius ...

Summer's greetings to one and to all, from the seemingly abandoned offices of The Unstoppable Movie Monster crew! It's 2012, the Eschaton is near (Dec. 22nd party, anyone?!), and it's time to waste our life with yet another pointless, useless challenge!

It's late on a Monday night - Memorial Day, to be precise - and I've been drinking, because beer. And as I didn't have my copy of my favorite drinking movie on hand (that's Terry Gilliam's "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," in case you're interested), I dropped in my second favorite drinking movie, "Jaws."

Now, I know what you're thinking: "why in the hell would any sane, reasonable person consider watching 'Jaws' as a reason to party?!'" Well, first off, who the hell said I was sane and rational? Stop putting words in my mouth, you sanctimonious prick! You think you know me? And second, "Jaws" is a man's movie. Women are absent to the point of non-existence and when we do encounter them, they're either shark bait, bitching about sharks in the estuary, or it's Mrs. Brody screeching about her children and stuffing an extra pair of glasses in Mr. Brody's black socks. It's so testosterone-laden that when it's shown on television, small towns across America see increases in violent crime and facial hair in the womenfolk. It's true. Hell, an entire third of the film consists of three guys drinking, fishing and showing off scars in a totally non-homoerotic way. What's more manly than that?

Anyway, the idea that "Jaws" goes well with conspicuous consumption of alcohol actually dates back a few years when, bored on one Fourth of July weekend, a former friend and I got a bottle of tequila, locked ourselves in my office and drank it all as we watched the movie over and over again. Suddenly it seemed a perfect combination and has remained that way ever since.

As I sat watching it this balmy May evening, it got me to thinking about the idea of summertime blockbuster movies. And how "Jaws" essentially invented the genre, with its infinite number of tie-ins and its marketing and wide release during peak movie time (mind you, we're talking 450 theaters, which in 1975 was a shit-ton of theaters). Now, the summer wouldn't be the same without a few huge movies gracing the screens and dominating our culture. Some of them become classics, some of them are utter shit and should never have seen the light of day, and yet others are the result of some fetishistic dream on the behalf of the director/producer. Only a select few so-called blockbusters have transcended the role of classic film and somehow entered the Zeitgeist forever.

I can't handle this.
Since I've been looking for a reason to restart this blog, I came up with the idea of doing some type of blockbuster movie thing. But what's the challenge aspect of it? Honestly, I don't relish the idea of watching 100 days worth of blockbusters, because fuck that. It's too wide a category and filled with too many movies I just can't handle watching.

Seeing as how July 4 is on a Thursday this year, however, I am entertaining the idea of a 24-hour-long marathon of blockbusters films, with live blogging throughout, and all of it culminating in a midnight showing of the movie that seeded this whole idea. So I'm thinking, start the marathon at midnight on July 3 and end it after the viewing of "Jaws" at midnight the next day, actually making it more of a 26.5-hour-long marathon. But that's okay, I'm sure I can handle the extra time under the right circumstances.

Since the category is so broad, I have decided to turn to you, gentle readers, to help me pick what movies to watch. Rough estimates say I should be able to watch between 9 to 12 movies in that time, not including "Jaws." If a movie is still playing at midnight on July 4, it will be preempted for the penultimate reason for the whole effort.

So, yeah - help me pick the movies! They can be bad or good or great. They can be from any era and in any genre, and I would love to hear your argument for why any particular movie should be on the list. It doesn't have to even be an official blockbuster - i.e., a high-concept film created with the goal in mind of making a lot of money. It could even be a planned-yet-failed blockbuster film, because god knows we love bad fucking movies here!

Below are a few links to help you get started. I look forward to tackling this challenge and hope to receive a lot of input back from you folks!

http://boxofficemojo.com/alltime/adjusted.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_highest-grossing_films
http://www.amazon.com/Action-Summer-Blockbusters-Last-Years/lm/R1ST0ONQPBIIQQhttp:
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/jaws/news/1922885/the_25_best_summer_blockbusters/