100 Days of Horror welcomes you to ... SATANFEST 2013

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"Y'all know me, know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch this bird for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad fish! Not like going down to the pond and chasing bluegills and tommycods. This shark, swallow ya whole. Little shakin', little tenderizin', and down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that'll bring back the tourists, that'll put all your businesses on a payin' basis. But it's not gonna be pleasant! I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I'll find him for three, but I'll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you've gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no mates, there's too many captains on this island. Ten thousand dollars for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing."

Sunday, August 22, 2010

100 Days of Horror Day Thirty - "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark!"


Hellish hellos ghouls and ghoulettes!

Pardon the lateness of today's post, but it was our last day at the beach and we had many things to cram into a short time - hence my hatred of both the day and weekend trips.

It's also a short one today, just because it's not only late but I am actually watching today's selection as we speak! With the company of the always-enjoyable Phil P., who has been tuning in off and on for the"100 Days of Horror" challenge since the very beginning, adding his hilarious and well-timed insights and running commentary.

Tomorrow's selection, one of my all-time favorite slices of cinematic cheese, "The Dunwich Horror!" How's that for a slice of fried gold!

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (1973): Directed by John Newland. Starring Kim Darby and Jim Hutton.

The Skinny: When Sally inherits her grandmother's mansion, she finds herself obsessed with a bricked up fireplace. When she questions the elderly caretaker about it, she believes his hesitation is just over his pride in his work. The truth is, the fireplace hides a hideous secret that ends in her doom! Ah-HAHAHAHAH!

What's Good: I'm not sure those words apply here, but the truth is I watched this movie when I was like six years old and it scared me damn near half to death. I mean it, it gave me nightmares for years and convinced me my old apartment was haunted. Watching it again over thirty years later and I find it one of the most ridiculous films I have ever seen. It involves the most unscariest monsters I have ever seen in my entire fucking life. Why I found this movie so terrifying as a child, I am not sure. Well, actually I do ... but I'll tell you all about it later.

What's Bad" Oh so many things, sir and madam. First, it's a made for television film from the early 70s, so how good could it be? Second, although I love Kim Darby as Lane's mom in "Better Off Dead," she's utterly awful in this movie. And third, these are the silliest creatures I have ever seen - they look like midgets in unfitting latex and that's probably the reason for the "Dark" of the title.

Why We Like It: Simple - childhood trauma. I watched this sucker when I was like five or six and it fucked my whole trip up. Forever afterwards I swear I could hear voices whispering that they would indeed get me - if not right now, then real fucking soon. And it's as great a time as I could ever imagine if you're looking for a good movie to make continual fun of.

Memorable Stuff: As a child, I specifically recall the denouement when the creatures are dragging poor Sally away as she fights them off with pops of a flashcube, seeing as how they can't abide the light. Other than that I remember the whispering, "Sallyyyyyyy! We want youuuuuuu!" These things scared me shitless.