100 Days of Horror welcomes you to ... SATANFEST 2013

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"Y'all know me, know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch this bird for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad fish! Not like going down to the pond and chasing bluegills and tommycods. This shark, swallow ya whole. Little shakin', little tenderizin', and down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that'll bring back the tourists, that'll put all your businesses on a payin' basis. But it's not gonna be pleasant! I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I'll find him for three, but I'll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you've gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no mates, there's too many captains on this island. Ten thousand dollars for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing."

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

100 Days of Horror Day Thirty-Two - "Dawn of the Dead!"


Shocked, yes -- shocked I am! -- that this horrible thing seems to continue in all defiance of nature. It lives on, crawling up the legs of my day like a homesick abortion. I try to get away from it and it still seems to find me, its ever-seeking, its teeth bared and savage at my throat!

Christ, that was morbid! I need a drink! Or a hummer!

Anyway, yes it is indeed day Thirty One of the 100 Days of Horror challenge, and sadly last night was my first misstep. It seems that, in my endeavor to have a brief vacation at the beach on the heels of a horrible chest/head cold, I have exhausted myself beyond comprehension. So last night, which is traditionally a busy night for me (the day before a deadline and all), I came home from a meeting and slept my arse off. I slept from 10 p.m. until 6 a.m., which I know sounds like a lot for you normal folks but for me is unheard of - even when medicated. Which I was not. Also sadly.

All this means that I didn't watch last night's Creature Feature, "The Dunwich Horror." Which sucks because I really like that hot mess of a film. But, by my own rules, I am allowed a misstep provided I watch it the following day, so that is what I will do. "The Dunwich Horror" shall join tonight's movie - the 2004 remake of George Romero's "Dawn of the Dead," in a double feature.

For the record, I am feeling much better now. I have resumed my medicine (which I forgot to take to the beach, like a dumbass) and caught up on sleep. So let's see how this whole thing works out this week! Check The Skinny below and thanks as usual for playing along!

Dawn of the Dead (2004): Directed by Zack Snyder. Starring Sarah Polley, Ving Rhames, Mikhi Pfeifer and Jake Weber.

The Skinny: A remake whose existence seems to defy the logic of remakes. The film follows a group of people trying to avoid a zombie infestation by hiding out in that bastion of American culture - the mall.

What's Good: It's a shame that this is director Zack Snyder's first film, because he eventually went on to make much better movies ("300," "Watchmen"). But for a modern take on teh zombie film - and one created by teh Godfather of the genre, George Romero - this isn't too bad. The film looks great and the actors give their all but there's just something off about the movie to me. Oh, I have so much to say that's bad we should just move on to --

What's Bad: Okay, first the fucking zombies are savage fast runners, like in "28 Days Later," something that bugs the living shit out of me. These zombies defy all zombie logic. A true zombie is a shambling creature - not a raving and drooling marathon runner! And second, yes I know we're still a disgusting consumerist culture, but the mall as an allegory for human existence is over, okay? It's so 1985. We've been there, bought that, sipped that latte and stole those shopping bags - what now? The whole movie should have taken place in one of those cell phone kiosks AT the mall instead of the mall itself. And third ... aw fuck it, there is no third.

Why We Like It: It's okay, as far as zombies go. That Jake Weber is one funny dude, and I do enjoy watching him and his snarky expressions. And who doesn't like Ving Rhames? But like I said, for the most part this movie is just okay with me. My problem is, why didn't they just make a new zombie film rather than tag this as a remake? There are one million zombie stories in the naked city, and this was two of them. Why didn't they just make a movie out of the video game "Dead Rising?" It has zombies AND a mall. Douche.

Memorable Stuff: I seem to recall something about a zombie baby being born in its dead mother's womb. That was pretty horrid.